I took a lyft recently and I shared with the driver about the Why Live Today website and YouTube Channel. I said it’s about the meaning of life, but I’m initially focusing on helping people with addiction and loneliness. You know what his very practical request was? He asked, “Can you help me not look at my screens so much?”
So I talked about some practical steps, but I said you have to understand what is driving this on a heart level. It's the deepest part of you. What is the deepest driver for you and me as we make decisions?
We need to see things the way they really are.
Jesus offers us the key with the following two statements. This is why it’s so important to get the full picture by reading the whole Bible. Here is arguably the most well known statement in the Bible.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 NKJV)
This was my core belief for those 18 years, but I still struggled with addiction and loneliness. It’s not to say I don’t still have my moments of struggle, but now I know why, which has been a huge stepping stone toward greater freedom!
Let's focus on unlocking one key phrase. What do you think of when you hear the phrase eternal life? If you're like me, I thought it was the afterlife that went on forever. For me, it was about believing in Jesus, proclaiming Jesus and being a good person who tries to be like Jesus. Then I go to heaven.
Jesus’ definition blows up my definiton of eternal life. In other words it magnifies the phrase exponentially. It also showed me why we all tend toward loneliness and addiction.
"And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." (John 17:3 NKJV)
The key word in this statement is "know." I'm not an expert in Greek, but the following is clear. The Greek work for "know" is "ginosko" and it means experiential knowledge, and is used as a euphemism for sexual intercourse, similar to the Hebrew word, "Yada" in the Old Testament. This is about entering into a deep relationship with God that transcends the physical realm (but doesn't leave out the physical). Sexual intimacy or any other kind of deep connection in this life is a signpost that should ultimately remind us and direct us back to seeking and growing in a ever-deepening relationship with God! That was a radical realization, which launched me into a pursuit of a "Big Why" that I am still wrestling with and pursuing to this day. It also helps push addiction and loneliness to the background as I pursue this greater meaning and purpose for my life.
I co-lead an addiction recovery group with an older man whose been very successful in helping people break free from addiction. Here’s a statement he told me that stuck with me:
"We need to become addicted to God."
Who gets excited about rules, we hunger and thirst for relationship, and according to Jesus (John 17:3; John 5:39) that's what God wants most too!
Here's an analogy that might be helpful in seeing how belief and relationship relate to each other. Belief is the telephone and knowing ABOUT the person on the other end, whereas relationship is actually picking up the phone and interacting with the person on the other end.
But sometimes we don’t want to pick up that phone, because something is seriously damaged with our relationships in this world. Relationship with God can be scary and extremely difficult, so we tend to check out, settle or quit - enter unhealthy replacements (a.k.a. addiction).
I remember having a special relationship with snowballs, which are sweet, delectable cookies that my mom only makes during Christmas time. Thank goodness. I remember sitting on the couch during our first year of marriage just popping snowballs into my mouth one after another. As my wife Tena watched me eat my way into double digits with no end in sight, she asked with a hint of disgust, “How many of the snowballs have you eaten?”
I challenge you to look at the world around and try to explain away this relational reality. Check out this clip from the movie Castaway and how strong of a bond Tom Hanks’ character develops with a volleyball because he’s been by himself for years on a deserted island. He almost dies to bring back a relationship with an object.
Movie Clip - Castaway - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaQa4ttIyNo
You may say, "I would never do that." Maybe you wouldn't, but if you watch the whole movie and consider our own lives we all do this. It just looks different and we are really masterful at deceiving ourselves. Relationship is a critical need, and that includes relating to ourselves. Often our relationship and view of ourselves (e.g. unforgiveness, self-loathing, self-deception, etc.) can be the barrier to a deepening relationship with God and others.
On that note, here’s our mystery movie quote: “I’ll never have balance that way, not with them, not with Allie, not with me.”
Addiction is misdirected relational desire and loneliness is an unmet relational desire. Both feed into and fuel each other like a ping pong match.
We cannot operate in a relational vacuum. Remember, that thing you are relating to is not necessarily bad, in fact, it may be very good. Ask yourself these questions to help determine if you are relating in a wrong way.
- If Jesus Christ is not central, am I willing to admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with something?
- “Why am I relating to it? In other words, what's it doing for me?
- And how am I relating to it?
After 18 years of struggling with addiction and loneliness, I’ve been asked, “What are the things that helped me the most.” In the next three videos and articles, I will share the three things that my biggest hindrances for a deeper relationship with God.
I would love read and respond to any comments you have below.
Resources, References, and Related Links from the Video
Movie Clip - Empire Strikes Back - Yoda - “You must unlearn what you have learned.” - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fw49NqiTQw - 26-30
Movie Clip -Matrix - Morpheus to Neo - “Free you mind!” - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cL7HVU-uU4 - 20-29
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. (Jhn 3:16 NKJV)
"And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. (Jhn 17:3 NKJV)
Music Clip - “It’s more like falling in love, than something to believe in…” - Jason Gray - https://youtu.be/GXHxpLvv2y8 - 44-56
Movie Clip - “Telephone scene” - Despicable Me 2 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ylClsCut4k - 58-1:07
Movie Clip - Po in Kung Fu Panda - “I know, I disgust you” - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIPgh1WJqzg - 1:16-1:21
Movie Clip - Castaway - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaQa4ttIyNo - 1:48-1:55
Mystery Movie Quote - “I’ll never have balance that way, not with them, not with Allie, not with me.” - Daniel Larusso, The Karate Kid - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOKzlx8p6yM
EXERCISE: We cannot operate in a relational vacuum. Remember, that thing you are relating to is not necessarily bad, in fact, it may be very good. Ask yourself these questions to determine if it’s a wrong relationship.
- If Jesus Christ is not central, am I willing to admit that I have an unhealthy relationship with something.
- “Why am I relating to it?
- And how am I relating to it?
There’s also a Freedom Resource Guide that is free. I know, that’s an awkward statement;-)
(https://whylivetoday.com/freedom-resource-guide/)
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