This is Why Live Today, where we focus on the meaning of life’s experiences. This is about taking the time to ask “why” about the things that happen in our lives. We tend to check out, settle or quit here above ground. Mole, the mascot of Why Live Today would say, "you gotta dig for meaning." In other words, it takes work and it's a fight. It's important for us to remember to live focus on our identity as fighters, because we are being attacked externally and internally every day.
Btw, I thought it would be good to have a mascot. Mole will keep me on point (I tend to go off on tangents), keep me honest and he will help lighten things up, especially with this heavier topic of loneliness and addiction.
I'm calling these the P52 videos or blog for short, because each title will reference a word that starts with the letter "P." Keep in mind that my priority is to be real, even though these videos and articles may be a bit rough.
If you live in this world, then you wrestle with some degree of addiction and loneliness, but it’s often not drugs, alcohol or pornography, but something more permissible; like a relationship, food, your career, or something everyone thinks is really good. For example, it could be some community service or cause, serving in the church, education, football or surfing. At one point or another, all of the previously mentioned things have been an issue for me.
I will be unpacking….“unearthing” (shout out to Mole;-) meaningful moments from my own life that will give you tools to help you live free from loneliness and addiction.
After 18 years of struggling with sexual addiction, I’ve been living in great freedom for many years…not perfection, but great freedom.
I want to give back by sharing parts of my story and what I’ve learned. I am just one blind person...actually, Mole and I are just two blind creatures in a desert, showing blind people where we found water and how to drink it.
As an English major, I will be “unearthing” a lot of metaphors. I love stories, especially movies, and their power to communicate truth. Whether you watch the videos or read these blog articles, you’ll be hearing references to movies like the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, the Matrix, Glory, etc. Qualifier, it doesn’t necessarily mean I am endorsing everything about that movie, book, quote, etc, or telling you to go watch it. I’m sharing it as an illustration to make a point about meaning.
You can be on the lookout for hidden references, especially to movies. There will be at least one in each of the 52 videos. Drop a comment below if you recognize a clip or something I said that is a hidden reference.
Back to the main focus. So what do I mean by freedom from addiction and loneliness? My goal is to help you move from struggle to battle. "Struggle" is when you can’t say no, even if you want to. "Battle" is about empowerment, where you’re able to say no to that thing and yes to the best thing. If your end game is just stopping the behavior, you’ll never have real or lasting freedom.
There are helpful videos on Youtube for addiction and lonelines. Typically they discuss accountability, boundaries or share a personal story. But these things were not the primary factor in brining about real and lasting freedom over the years. The focus of the 52 will be on the "Big Why" - a.k.a. the meaning of life - and how that practically plays out in our lives.
The focus will be on the heart and really owning that "Big Why." By heart, I mean the core of who you are, the place of your emotions, deepest desires, and will. It’s what ultimately drives your decision-making.
No bait and switch. I will be referencing the Bible, because Jesus Christ is the ultimate source of freedom in my life. Jesus is the "Big Why." That said, I am not coming from my Ivory tower of Christianity, but the trenches “or tunnels” (shout out to Mole) of a relationship with Jesus.
During those 18 years of struggle, I believed in Jesus with a lot of Bible head-knowledge and rule-keeping, but very little freedom in the areas of fantasy, porn, masturbation, and objectification of women. If my wife were sitting here, she would say that the deception was the worst part for her and almost ended our marriage. Apart from God, no one on this earth, or under this earth has had more impact on my personal growth than she has.
But our fight for freedom must be bigger than any one person. Here's our related mystery movie quote: "There’s a right bit more than hope. Aslan [God] is on the move in our lives." It's not word for word, but it should give you enough to guess the movie, if you've seen it (answer is at the bottom of this article).
My Freedom was a process that happened during my early 30s. It’s been about 12 years of tremendous freedom from the behaviors that I mentioned, but the primary goal isn’t behavior change or outward change. It’s heart-change and relationship, which will lead us through and beyond addiction and loneliness.
There is always a danger of comparison to other people. Don't go there. Keep in mind that your journey is unique, don’t compare and don’t judge others. There's a relatable story in the Bible where Peter asks Jesus about the future of another follower named John. “What about him?” asked Peter. Jesus responded, “Don’t worry about John, just follow me.” [John 21:21]
I won't just be pulling from my own story. I have been one-on-one, in the trenches, with men since 2007. I have also led restoration/recovery groups called Into the Light Groups based on 1 John 1:7 from The Bible. I've also led Surfing for God Groups based on my favorite book by Michael Cusick, which addresses sexual addiction and loneliness with a heart focus.
You can have free access to our Freedom Resource Guide which contains a PDF chapter study guide for Surfing for God. In my opinion, the guide has some of the best heart-level questions I’ve ever read. The guide also contains a lot of resources that I and many other have found helpful.
So what’s the next step? Where do we start?
Do you know the Big Why of your life? Even if you think you do, I encourage you to check out the next video in the series, “Where do I start?” I thought I knew my Big Why, but I didn’t during those 18 years. The video has a good exercise for us to revisit daily, so we don’t get off track.
Here’s a simple prayer if you want to pray it with me: "Help me God. Break the chains of addiction and loneliness. Help me take that next, right step today.
Disclaimer, Resources, References and Links...
Disclaimer - If I reference something or show a clip, it does not mean that I endorse all of that content or the creator of that content. It’s a fine line between exploring and finding meaning and truth, or going down a rabbit trail or "tunnel" that is not helpful to you. Here are three key things I will discuss in future videos that will help you decide if content is beneficial for you: know yourself, where are you in the journey, and what lens are you using? Even if you don’t agree with the following websites, they will give you a thorough sense of the content so you can make an informed decision before diving in:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
Resources
Get the FREE Resource Guide to Break Free from Addiction and Loneliness: https://whylivetoday.com/request-freedom-resource-guide/
Surfing for God by Michael Cusick - https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13635603-surfing-for-god Surfing for God
Surfing for God Chapter Study Guide - https://whylivetoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Surfing-For-God-Study-Questions.pdf
1 John 1:7 - But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. - https://www.blueletterbible.org/niv/1jo/1/7/s_1160007
John 21:21-22 - When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” https://www.blueletterbible.org/niv/jhn/21/21/s_1018021
[movie clip - “Behold the Underminer! I am always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me.” - The Incredibles] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG-GvO4kbdw
[movie clip - explosion of train car - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9flhhwkTTA
[movie clip - “I want the truth!” “You can’t handle the truth” - A Few Good Men] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FnO3igOkOk
[movie clip - “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” - Darth Vader in Empire Strikes Back] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zzs-OvfG8tE
Hidden Movie Reference - “there’s a right bit more than hope in people. God is on the move.” The actual quote is “There's a right bit more than hope. Aslan... is on the move.” Beaver, Chronicles of Narnia, The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
[movie clip - “One thing, Just one thing.” Curly in City Slickers] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PunAKEccqyU
[movie clip - Apollo’s offer to Rocky, Rocky 3] - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtHRotLfltQ